Your dad touched me again.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
