u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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