Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
