i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
