I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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