HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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