I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Randomize
