A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
