I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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