Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
