Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
