I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
