His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
