you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
