it's too hot outside to masturbate.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
