Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
