Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
false alarm, still single
Randomize
