Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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