Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
