i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
