Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Shame - the story of my life.
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