Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
