I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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