she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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