I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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