Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
