how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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