true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
