i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize