Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
