I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
