Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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