Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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