I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
