So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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