Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
