Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
did i just pee glitter
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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