Plan B is the new Plan A
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
