i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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