the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize