oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize