watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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