Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
