I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
