don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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