oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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