I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
