just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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