my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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