K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize