Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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