literally had 100 drinks last night.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
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