now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
