So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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