her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
