Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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