When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
