3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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