John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
