"it" just moved
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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