I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
