She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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