1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
