Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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