i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize