No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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