Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize