as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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