Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Randomize
