I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize