is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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