he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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