Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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