just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
