ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
