And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
